Your Dog is NOT Friendly

Your Dog is NOT Friendly

Here’s the truth: no matter what you think about your dog, their personality, and temperament, they are not universally friendly.

Some people are afraid of dogs. Some are a little afraid and others are terrified of them. Some have obvious reasons and others have none. Some are young and some are old. When your “friendly” dog runs up to them, off leash and out of your control; they are filled with terror and dread. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people are allergic to dogs. They are allergic to dander, fur, and salvia. Some are mildly allergic, and some will go into anaphylaxis shock if a drop of their saliva touches their skin. Some tolerate dogs anyway because they like them and some couldn’t tolerate dogs if they wanted to. You cannot tell that by looking at them. But when your “friendly” dog runs up to them, they see a trip to the doctor or a collision with life and death coming at them full speed. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people are working hard to support their reactive, fearful dogs. They are out there on a walk, on a leash, doing everything they know to do to get through the walk and back home. They are just praying they make it through without a reaction. Your dog is not friendly to them. Your dog is a threat. A threat to hours, months, maybe years of hard work, and hundreds or thousands of dollars. A threat who could set them and their dog back, who knows how far. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people have dogs who are old, sick, or recovering from an injury. They need to keep their dog calm, moving slowly, and very deliberately. Even if their dog is not reactive or fearful a high-energy dog, no matter how supposedly friendly, can cause fear, anxiety, and even permanent damage. Your dog is not friendly to them.

And guess what? Some people simply do not like dogs. And people who just want to take a walk or jog through a public park without being accosted by an off-leash, out-of-control, dog and they have the right to do so. People out with their kids who want to pay attention to them and not to your dog. And they have the right to do so. Your dog is not friendly to any of them.

So no, your dog is not friendly. You don’t have the right to let them off leash just because there is space. You do not have the right to allow them to run up to anyone and everyone and expect them to be okay with it. Just because they are a dog, does not give you the right to trample on everyone else’s rights to enjoy public spaces without unwanted and uninvited encounters with your dog.

Instead, you have a responsibility as a dog owner to train your dog. To walk them on leash and obey the law and respect others around you. And if you want to let your dog off-leash, then you have a responsibility to train them and perfect their recall; to ensure they can control their impulses and that they will come back to you the minute you call. It is your responsibility to teach them manners and to ensure that no one who does not want to engage with your dog, for any reason, has to do so.

There is a time and a place where your life with your dog is just about you and them; but if you are taking your dog in public that mindset doesn’t work. You have a responsibility as a dog owner to consider everyone you might encounter, their dogs, and their needs not just what you want. Yes, you have to advocate for your dog but you don’t have a right to insist that everyone around you accomodate them and their presence.

I don’t like being the bearer of bad news – but it’s true. Your dog is not friendly and keeping that in mind can help you decide what you want your life to look like and what training and support they need to get there.

Education

Re-imagining the Walk

I used to hate on-leash walks with Riley.

Off leash she was great. She would stay by my side, ask permission to run after squirrels, ignore people and dogs. On leash, she was a nightmare. Pulling, lunging, reacting to every dog or person, and completely ignoring me. And it didn’t matter if she was on a short leash or a long line.

So, I avoided on leash walks whenever possible. It was simple when I lived in a house with a fenced yard and could play with her back there. I lived close to several locations where I could take her on long walks off leash with plenty of freedom and opportunities to play.

I will admit it, I took the easy way out. I didn’t think about it at the time. Walking was miserable and I had ways around it, so why do something that neither of us enjoyed when I didn’t have to? And we had other priorities in training, so I didn’t prioritize it.

Then, one day we were living in an apartment, and I didn’t have a car and we had to figure it out.

It was a lot of work.

I started out by recognizing she had no idea what “heel” meant and that I had unfair and unrealistic expectations. So, we started from scratch.

I took the time to decide what I wanted a heel to look like. I had a good picture of it in my head. And then, we practiced several times a day, every day. It was tedious and often frustrating, but we persisted and in the process I began to realize that I might be telling the wrong story about walks.

What if they could be adventures? What if they didn’t have to look a certain way? Was it possible that she and I could do something that worked for us? What if it didn’t matter what trainers on social media said a walk should look like?

These questions allowed me to set everything else aside and gave me the freedom to ask what Riley and I needed; what would bring us joy and fulfillment. And, if I could say this to every dog owner I would – it’s okay to define what you want and need in the context of your life and who you and your dog are together and do that.

Today things are different.

I don’t dread going outside with Riley. I look forward to it, and the times I don’t look forward to it, we make it short and easy.

Riley has days she’s great on leash, and days she’s reactive. She can have a good morning and then a rough afternoon, or the other way around. But now, we take it one moment, one outing at a time. I stopped expecting perfection – from both of us. I stopped expecting every walk to look the same and started letting each one be whatever we needed it to be.

This change allowed me to breathe, relax, and start to focus on our relationship instead of what I thought a walk, or anything else we did, should look like – and that changed everything.

Here’s the thing, and I’ll likely drive it home again and again on this site: You are unique. Your dog is unique. Your life is unique. And it is okay for your relationship with your dog to fit your needs and your life. Your walks don’t have to look like everyone else’s. Your playtime doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. What matters is the health and well-being of you and your dog. Sure, there are basic foundational things that are valuable but how you use those skills and apply them in your life is completely individual and there is a lot of freedom in that.

Don’t let the “influencers” on social media rob you of the joy of enjoying your dog in the context of your own life. Breathe and discover what works for you. Sometimes that takes time and a lot of trial and error but it’s worth it.

Education

Definitions: What is “Handler Awareness”?

“Handler awareness” generally refers to the amount of attention or “awareness” a dog gives to the person who is their handler – whether that is their owner, trainer, dog walker, or someone else.

For example, if I’m out with Riley, I am her “handler”. If my mom is taking her for a walk, then my mom is her ‘handler”. If she goes on an outing with a trainer, the trainer is her “handler”. Basically, whoever is responsible for guiding the dog in their environment at the time is the handler.

Awareness is not just about whether they obey or not. It’s about check-ins and general attentiveness.

Does the dog look at you periodically? Do they even acknowledge your existence? If they are headed in a direction they have not been before, do they look to you for approval or do they plunge ahead?

Handler awareness is something that can be taught and it’s primarily about communication. Does the dog trust you and rely on you for guidance and leadership in whatever environment you happen to be in at the time? If they do, they will look to you and follow your lead.

This is where most definitions of handler awareness end – the dog is aware of their handler and responsive to them.

What I have discovered is that there is another, equally important facet of handler awareness that isn’t discussed nearly enough. And that is the awareness the handler has of the dog.

Awareness goes both ways.

Why should Riley be aware of me and checking in with me, if I’m not paying attention to her? If I’m on my phone or engrossed in conversation and not attentive to what is happening with her, then I’m going to miss her check-ins, her requests for permission or direction, and other vital communications. The more of these I miss, the less valuable I become and the more disconnected she becomes.

This is something you can see clearly at a dog park.

There are dog owners there who are attentive and engaged with their dogs. They know where they are, and what they are doing, and they are providing guidance – verbal or non-verbal. They are watching and they take responsibility for their dogs’ behavior and needs.

Then there are the dog owners who check out. They get their dog inside the park and they are immediately on their phones or distracted. These people don’t know where their dog is or what they are doing until something happens that gets their attention – usually something negative.

And some people are too much. They stress their dog out. They are continually in their space, talking to them, asking things of them, and the dog has no freedom or autonomy. That’s not handler awareness, that’s anxiety. There’s a difference.

Let me give you an example of what good hander awareness might look like:

I take Riley to a field where she can safely run off-leash. I remove her leash and before running off she stops and looks at me, waiting for the go-ahead. I nod or say “free” and off she goes.

She sees a squirrel but it’s on the other side of the field, much further than I usually let her go. I know she’s tracking something because I’m paying attention to her, and I see her look at the squirrel and then look at me. I check out the environment to make sure it’s safe and give her a nod or “Go get it”. She takes off at full speed after the squirrel while I follow, paying attention to everything that her hunting drive mind can’t even see.

When she has treed the squirrel, she looks at me to see if I’m happy. Usually, I encourage her to “talk to it” and she hops around the tree, barking happily at her captive prey. Then I call her “out” and she stops and comes to me, and we walk off in some other direction to see if we can find more squirrels. I’m watching and paying attention to her and the environment, she’s periodically looking at me while she’s looking for more squirrels.

Handler awareness is important in a dog-owner relationship. It helps keep the dog safe. It keeps communication open. It helps to build confidence and trust even as it deepens relationships. It also helps a dog develop impulse control. Just that single moment of stopping to check in before allowing the impulse to chase the squirrel or go say hello to a dog or friend makes a huge difference.

The fact that I know that Riley will not just take off without checking in even when we’re running around and she’s off-leash, gives me confidence in her. The fact that I also have backup commands for those times when impulse wins in her hunting dog brain, also helps. I know that 99% of the time Riley will stop on a dime if I say, “halt” even if she is mid-run after a squirrel, and I have the backup of an e-collar for that 1% where the adrenaline is too high for her to hear anything but the pounding of her own heart and the pull of the prey drive. That is all part of handler awareness.

It’s developed over time, and it requires intentionality and focus.

If you want your dog to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them.

Some dogs do this readily. They are naturally keyed into their handler. Some dogs are more aloof and distant, and they have to learn handler awareness. Some dogs can do it but choose not to.

Riley has had great handler awareness with me from day one, which has been a blessing. It has improved and grown stronger as we’ve established our relationship over the last six years. And I’ve worked hard and intentionally to help her build handler awareness with people I trust; friends and my mom who walk her; the trainer who used to take her on half-day pack outings. This matters because if there’s ever a time I can’t take care of her, I want her to be reliable for whoever is helping take care of her for me.

It’s not something we often think about when we first get a dog but helping them get used to someone else walking and leading them; to someone else caring for them, feeding them, and giving them commands is important. We don’t necessarily plan to be in a position where we can’t be there but if you have your dog for 10-16 years odds are there’s going to be a time when you will board them or have a dog sitter or a dog walker.

I broke my foot and couldn’t walk her. Then I got COVID and landed in the hospital for a month. When I got home it was a long recovery. I thanked God every day that I had a support system in place that included her. That I could trust her with the people taking care of her. I knew they knew her needs and preferences and communication style and that they would take good care of her; and that she would be okay. Not just because I built the relationships but because I was intentional about developing handler awareness with people other than me, with her.

I’m not bragging. Much of it was done without really realizing what I was doing. I’m sharing because it’s much better to do things like this on purpose, and half the battle is understanding what handler awareness is.

I encourage you to start paying attention to the subtle and not-so-subtle ways your dog communicates with you, both in the home and when you’re out and about. How much attention are they giving you? Are they uber-dependent and stuck to you like glue to the point where they get anxious if you take a few steps away from them? Are they so independent that it feels like they don’t even know you’re there?

It doesn’t matter where you are, it matters that you recognize it so you can begin making changes. This is something a good trainer can help you develop.