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TRAINING CLARITY: Factor Yourself into the Equation

Introduction

Getting training for your dog can be a lot of work, even confusing. Finding the right trainer, knowing what to look for, ask for, and expect; understanding your role and theirs, even knowing what success looks like for you.

In this series of posts, I’m going to talk about Training Clarity.

Keep in mind, as with all the other posts I write, that I am not a trainer. I train one dog, mine. With that said, I have worked with multiple trainers – not just in training Riley,  but as an office assistant and training developer. I’ve had an inside peek and been the person who needed help with their dog.

I’ve had the experience of using Riley as a distraction dog in training sessions and helping with puppies on puppy play dates.

That’s the place I will write these posts from.

Factoring Yourself into the Equation

One of the things I learned working in the office of a dog trainer is that many clients don’t factor themselves into the equation when considering working with a trainer.

What does that mean?

You should know yourself and what you need. Here are some things you should know about yourself:

  • How do you learn best?
    • Verbally
    • Visual
    • Written
    • Hands-on
    • A combination (and what combination)
  • How do you prefer to communicate?
    • Email
    • Phone
    • Text
    • Videos
    • Writing
    • Audio
  • Do you prefer someone who gets straight to the point or someone who explains in detail?
  • How much communication do you like or want between sessions?
  • How much access do you want to a trainer and what kind of access?
  • Are you open to using “tools” such as an e-collar, prong collar, slip lead, etc.?
    • If so, which ones are you open to?
    • If not, which ones do you prefer not to use and why?
    • Are you open to being educated about any of the tools you prefer not to use, if a trainer deems it appropriate for your dog?
  • Do you know what you want out of training? E.G., what are your goals with your dog?
    • Basic obedience
    • Behavior modification
    • Advanced obedience
    • Sport training
    • “Work” training (therapy dog, service dog, ESA, protection)

It doesn’t just matter if the trainer is a good fit for your dog. It matters if they are a good fit for you. So, knowing these kinds of things are important.

As you’re talking to trainers, pay attention to these things in addition to what they have to say about their general training philosophy and approach:

  • Do you like their personality?
  • Do they communicate in a way you understand? Using words that make sense to you and explaining things that don’t?
  • Is their training style aligned with how you learn?
  • Do they listen to you, your needs, and your goals?
  • In training sessions are they going to be doing most of the handling or are they going to coach you through the handling?
  • How are they going to be communicating the training plan and progress with you?
  • Will their approach work for you?

You are an essential element in the training of your dog and your ability to communicate with and understand the trainer is very important, but it’s something many owners don’t even consider.

Yes, you want your dog to like them and respond to them. You want them to be experienced and knowledgeable. You want them to have the availability you need so you can make training work. But don’t forget to factor yourself into the equation and consider your needs, too.

TRAINING CLARITY: Behavior that is Allowed is Repeated

Introduction

Getting training for your dog can be a lot of work, even confusing. Finding the right trainer, knowing what to look for, ask for, and expect; understanding your role and theirs, even knowing what success looks like for you.

In this series of posts, I’m going to talk about Training Clarity.

Keep in mind, as with all the other posts I write, that I am not a trainer. I train one dog, mine. With that said, I have worked with multiple trainers – not just in training Riley,  but as an office assistant and training developer. I’ve had an inside peek and been the person who needed help with their dog.

I’ve had the experience of using Riley as a distraction dog in training sessions and help with puppies on puppy play dates.

That’s the place I will write these posts from.

Behavior that is Allowed is Repeated

One of the most impactful things I heard a trainer say is, “Every behavior that is allowed is repeated.”

That was the moment I really understood that training is not an event or a task, it’s not an isolated weekly session with you, your dog, and a trainer. It is every moment of every day, every interaction, even what happens when you’re not there. All of it is training.

My first thought was, “What do I allow with Riley that I don’t want to repeat?

It began to give me clarity. Finally, a question I could answer.

  • I didn’t want her to pull the leash after we calmly got out the door.
  • I didn’t want her trying to take off after squirrels, birds, or anything that looked like prey, without my permission.
  • I didn’t want her jumping on people when they come to visit.
  • I didn’t want her lunging and barking at dogs we pass on walks.

Those were my top four.

Not only did this give me clarity about what I wanted from training, it also gave me clarity as far as what I was allowing that I didn’t want to allow.

“Allow” was a keyword for me.

What am I allowing?

It was empowering.

If I could allow one thing, then I could change what I was allowing and how I was allowing it. It didn’t mean I knew HOW to change it, but I was aware now that I was allowing things and what I allowed would be repeated.

Every time I allowed something I didn’t want; I was training her. Every time I allowed something I did want; I was training her. It was ALL training.

If you’re considering training, even if you’re not, one thing to look at is the behaviors you are allowing; the ones you need someone to guide you through changing. Those will be a great starting point.

Deciphering Dog Body Language: Understanding Spatial Pressure

Dogs are physical. Sometimes we forget that. Besides barking, their primary means of communication with us and other animals is through their body language. They make themselves big. They make themselves small. They appease. They push. They raise their lips. They bear their teeth. They paw. They jump. They invade space or pull away.

This became abundantly clear to me one day when I was walking Riley and I noticed how she directed me. Yes, she was directing me, and all the time I thought I was leading the walk!

When she walked on my left she would move her body closer to me to get me to go right. She would pause, just slightly, and look left to get me to go left. She would move ahead faster hoping I’d keep up when she had somewhere she wanted to go but didn’t think that’s where I was going to lead. And all of it was communication. She was not pulling on the leash. She was using her body, eye contact, and pace – what trainers call “pressure”.

This one walk taught me so much about how she communicates and how I could use the same kind of pressure with my body, eyes, and pace to communicate with her. I felt like I finally understood what learning to work with pressure in dog training meant.

There are all kinds of pressure: eye pressure, vocal pressure, social pressure, and spacial pressure to name a few. What I described with the walk above was all physical or spacial pressure.

BASIC SPATIAL PRESSURE

She moved closer. She sped up. She slowed down. She created distance. It’s all about space. She wants us to move together (this is “pack drive” in action, which we’ll talk about in another post) and she’s using her body to not only lead the walk but keep us moving in the same direction.

Using spacial pressure like this, she creates a sense of safety and it gives her confidence. The pack moving together, seamlessly following the spacial pressure created by one another as needs and wants are communicated physically, without words, protects.

Looking at how she did this with me, I began applying the same principles on our walks.

Yes, sometimes I let her lead and follow her but there are also times that she needs to follow me, for any number of reasons. In those cases, I step closer to her to get her to turn to the left. I create space to get her to turn to the left. I slow down to get her attention so we can recalibrate. I speed up when I want her to go somewhere she may not necessarily want to go and wasn’t as cute as I thought it was.

I also listen to her. If there’s a direction she absolutely does not want to go no matter how much pressure I apply and I can’t see any reason not to go that way – I trust her instincts. I remind myself that she can hear, see, and smell things that I cannot and if she doesn’t want to go a certain direction, I pay attention. Pack drive. Safety. Confidence. She trusts me and I trust her. That’s the goal. And part of that is speaking the same language.

HEAD AND PAWS

Sometimes dogs use their head or paws to communicate and create pressure.

When Riley was a puppy, if she wanted to initiate play with a dog that was ignoring her, she would go up and put her head over their back or a paw on their back. Even though she was usually much smaller than them. I learned later this was her asserting dominance and trying to force them to do what she wanted.

Another way she would initiate play was to lay in the middle of the park on her back and flail her paws around. She was baiting the dogs into thinking she was submissive and weak. It was remarkable. They would circle her like prey and when she was ready, she would spring into the air and go after them.

She was communicating, faking them out, but communicating. “I want to play. I want to engage. And I’ll do whatever I can to get your attention.

If she wants something from me and I’m not paying attention to her, sometimes she will put a paw (or two) on my leg or lay her head on me. She’s not being adorable and cuddly, she’s asking for my attention. If I don’t see her body language then she can’t communicate, so this is one way she gets me to look at her so she can communicate with me.

Observing this taught me that I can use my hands to communicate with her, too. I can put a hand on her shoulder or her chest to gently get her attention. If I want to get her to play and she’s not being very playful, I’ll put my hand on the middle of her back (like she would do with other dogs and her paws) or lay on my back on the floor. One of these almost always gets her attention, and always makes me laugh as I realize I’m doing to her what she used to do to other dogs.

GUARDING

Spacial pressure can also show up as guarding.

When Riley does not want another dog, person, or other animal or thing in my space, she tries to put herself between me and whatever the “intruder” is. This is spatial pressure, too. She’s putting pressure on the other person or critter to back away from me.

This is not a type of spacial pressure I allow. I won’t let her guard me like that. And we’ve worked hard on that. That’s a choice I have made about what I will and won’t allow in our relationship. This kind of pressure creates tension and anxiety and that’s not the kind of energy I want to foster.

With that said, I do “guard” her. I do this as a means of advocating for her and creating space so she can make good decisions, but also so she knows I have her back. I will step between her and strangers or other dogs. I will step in front of her when we are approaching a new object or environment and scope it out first. All of this communicates to her that I am the one guarding her and she can relax.

Note: this is an oversimplified example of guarding. If your dog has guarding behaviors, I encourage you to talk to a trainer to learn how to address these behaviors.

CONCLUSION

Oh, we humans, don’t like the idea of using pressure to train and communicate with dogs. We have this idea that it is negative, bad, or mean. But the truth is, dogs use it to communicate all day long and it’s as natural and instinctual to them as breathing.

Part of the disconnect comes in because we think that dogs should figure out how WE communicate. They should figure out OUR vocabulary. And, it’s lazy. Sure, they will figure it out over time and with repetition, but if we want to invest in our relationship with our dogs, we’ll take stock of how THEY communicate with us. Their language. And we’ll mirror it back to them to communicate with them.

Think about it this way, have you ever started a new job in an industry you weren’t familiar with and suddenly found yourself facing a whole new vocabulary, new acronyms, almost like a whole new language? It can feel like you’re an outsider, never fully understanding what is being said and not really knowing what is being expected. That’s frustrating, lonely, and stressful.

The same thing happens with our dogs. They come into our homes – a whole new set of expectations and a foreign vocabulary. Even if they lived with humans before, they have never lived with you. They don’t know how you communicate, what your words mean, your unique tones, and hand motions and physical movements. Rather than stressing them out more than necessary, isn’t it an incredible kindness to learn their language so they can begin to put things together and make sense of the world they find themselves in (particularly when that world is your life)?

So, I encourage you to put aside the negative connotations and beliefs about pressure and begin to observe them, “listen” to their body language and spatial pressure, and as you learn what they mean, begin practicing communicating back with them in similar ways. It takes time and effort, but something amazing happens when we intentionally take the time to speak someone else’s language, even when that someone else is your dog. It’s one more way you can re-imagine dog ownership and enhance your relationship with your dog.

And, as always, I encourage you to work with a trainer to help you decipher your dog’s unique communication and enhance how you communicate with them.

Your Dog is NOT Friendly

Here’s the truth: no matter what you think about your dog, their personality, and temperament, they are not universally friendly.

Some people are afraid of dogs. Some are a little afraid and others are terrified of them. Some have obvious reasons and others have none. Some are young and some are old. When your “friendly” dog runs up to them, off leash and out of your control; they are filled with terror and dread. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people are allergic to dogs. They are allergic to dander, fur, and salvia. Some are mildly allergic, and some will go into anaphylaxis shock if a drop of their saliva touches their skin. Some tolerate dogs anyway because they like them and some couldn’t tolerate dogs if they wanted to. You cannot tell that by looking at them. But when your “friendly” dog runs up to them, they see a trip to the doctor or a collision with life and death coming at them full speed. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people are working hard to support their reactive, fearful dogs. They are out there on a walk, on a leash, doing everything they know to do to get through the walk and back home. They are just praying they make it through without a reaction. Your dog is not friendly to them. Your dog is a threat. A threat to hours, months, maybe years of hard work, and hundreds or thousands of dollars. A threat who could set them and their dog back, who knows how far. Your dog is not friendly to them.

Some people have dogs who are old, sick, or recovering from an injury. They need to keep their dog calm, moving slowly, and very deliberately. Even if their dog is not reactive or fearful a high-energy dog, no matter how supposedly friendly, can cause fear, anxiety, and even permanent damage. Your dog is not friendly to them.

And guess what? Some people simply do not like dogs. And people who just want to take a walk or jog through a public park without being accosted by an off-leash, out-of-control, dog and they have the right to do so. People out with their kids who want to pay attention to them and not to your dog. And they have the right to do so. Your dog is not friendly to any of them.

So no, your dog is not friendly. You don’t have the right to let them off leash just because there is space. You do not have the right to allow them to run up to anyone and everyone and expect them to be okay with it. Just because they are a dog, does not give you the right to trample on everyone else’s rights to enjoy public spaces without unwanted and uninvited encounters with your dog.

Instead, you have a responsibility as a dog owner to train your dog. To walk them on leash and obey the law and respect others around you. And if you want to let your dog off-leash, then you have a responsibility to train them and perfect their recall; to ensure they can control their impulses and that they will come back to you the minute you call. It is your responsibility to teach them manners and to ensure that no one who does not want to engage with your dog, for any reason, has to do so.

There is a time and a place where your life with your dog is just about you and them; but if you are taking your dog in public that mindset doesn’t work. You have a responsibility as a dog owner to consider everyone you might encounter, their dogs, and their needs not just what you want. Yes, you have to advocate for your dog but you don’t have a right to insist that everyone around you accomodate them and their presence.

I don’t like being the bearer of bad news – but it’s true. Your dog is not friendly and keeping that in mind can help you decide what you want your life to look like and what training and support they need to get there.